What does marriage mean to each of us?
Discuss commitment, loyalty, partnership and expectations from family or culture.
My view
What I heard
To revisit
A private, print-friendly reflection guide
Twelve conversations
before marriage
Not a compatibility test. Not a prediction. Just twelve areas where honest expectations are easier to discuss before they become assumptions.
This page sends and stores no answers. There are no form fields, account, score or result.
Download designed PDFBoth options contain 12 questions across exactly two A4 pages.
Twelve conversations before marriage
A private reflection worksheet. No score, no compatibility result. Dr. Shaurya Garg, MD Psychiatry, AIIMS New Delhi. drshauryagarg.com
This copy belongs toDate startedDate we talked
How to use it
Go slowly. Curiosity matters more than agreement.
Print one copy each. Fill the first column on your own, then meet and fill the second and third columns together. You can also work through it as a conversation, two or three sections at a time. A difference is information, not proof that a relationship will or will not work.
- Choose two or three sections, not all twelve in one sitting.
- Answer what you actually think, not what sounds ideal.
- Ask what shaped each answer before trying to solve the difference.
- Write the difference down instead of settling it on the spot.
- Stop for the day if either person feels overwhelmed, cornered or unsafe.
My answerFilled alone, before the conversation. Your own view, in your own words.
What I heardFilled while you talk. Their answer as you understood it, checked with them.
To revisitWhat is unresolved, needs more information, or needs outside advice.
Safety comes before joint conversation. Do not complete this together if honest answers may lead to threats, surveillance, retaliation, coercion or violence, or if you are being pressured into this marriage. Use a private device, do not leave a printed copy where it could place you at risk, and seek confidential local support. In immediate danger in India, call 112 or go to a safe place.
01
What marriage means to each of us
- What do commitment, loyalty and partnership mean in daily life?
- Which expectations come from us, and which come from family or culture?
- What would make either person feel alone inside the relationship?
My answer
What I heard
To revisit
02
Conflict and repair
- What happens when each of us is angry, hurt or overwhelmed?
- Is taking space helpful, and how will we agree to return to the conversation?
- What does a meaningful apology or repair look like?
- What did each of us grow up seeing when adults disagreed?
My answer
What I heard
To revisit
03
Money, debt and financial responsibility
- What income, debt, savings, assets or ongoing obligations should be transparent?
- What will be shared, separate or jointly decided?
- How much financial support to either family feels reasonable?
- Who will know the passwords, and how will a large spend be agreed?
My answer
What I heard
To revisit
04
Careers, relocation and time
- Whose work may require relocation, travel, long hours or a career break?
- How will two careers be weighed when both cannot be prioritised at once?
- What protected time do we each need alone, together and with friends?
My answer
What I heard
To revisit
05
Home, housework and the mental load
- Who notices, plans and completes routine tasks?
- How will paid work, domestic work and care work be valued?
- What standard of cleanliness, food, hospitality and spending feels normal?
- What help is expected from staff or family, and who arranges it?
My answer
What I heard
To revisit
06
Families, living arrangements and boundaries
- Where do we expect to live, and with whom?
- How will visits, festivals, caregiving and family emergencies be handled?
- What information stays within the couple, and what may be shared with family?
- Who speaks to whose family when a decision is disputed?
My answer
What I heard
To revisit
07
Faith, culture and rituals
- Which beliefs and practices matter personally, and which are mainly family expectations?
- How will festivals, food, worship and ceremonies be handled?
- How might children be introduced to faith, culture or language?
My answer
What I heard
To revisit
08
Privacy, phones and social media
- Does privacy include passwords, messages, location and time alone?
- What may be posted about the relationship or shared with friends?
- What would feel like secrecy, and what would feel like surveillance?
My answer
What I heard
To revisit
09
Intimacy, consent and contraception
- Can either person say no, slow down or change their mind without punishment?
- How will differences in desire, affection or sexual expectations be discussed?
- What contraception plan feels acceptable, and who needs medical advice?
My answer
What I heard
To revisit
10
Children, parenting and uncertainty
- Do we each want children, and how fixed or uncertain is that wish?
- What if conception is delayed, pregnancy is complicated or plans change?
- How do we imagine caregiving, discipline, education and support from family?
My answer
What I heard
To revisit
11
Physical health, mental health and substance use
- What health conditions, treatment, disability or caregiving needs affect shared life?
- How are alcohol, tobacco, cannabis or other substances used?
- What support is welcome during illness, and what must stay under the person's control?
My answer
What I heard
To revisit
12
When and how we will ask for help
- Which changes would tell us that we are stuck rather than having an ordinary disagreement?
- Who are safe people to involve, and who should stay outside the conflict?
- Would we seek medical, psychological, legal, financial or religious guidance, and for which issue?
My answer
What I heard
To revisit
What this worksheet cannot do
A conversation aid, not a verdict
This worksheet does not measure compatibility, predict marital stability or decide whether anyone should marry. It is not a substitute for legal, financial, fertility, genetic, medical or mental-health advice.
A difference may be workable, may need more information, or may reveal a serious boundary. The meaning depends on the people, their safety, their freedom to choose and what happens after the conversation.
If the discussion reveals significant anxiety, depression, trauma, substance use, sexual pain, coercion or another clinical concern, seek an appropriate professional assessment. You can also read how a psychiatric consultation approaches relationship concerns.
For a mental-health crisis in India, call Tele-MANAS at 14416 or go to the nearest hospital emergency department. In immediate danger, call 112.